Not to self diagnoseeee, but...
Have you ever had this feeling where you wanted to do everything in world, so you do nothing at all??
I've been trying to put this feeling into words. Overwhelmed,
beating myself up. Its like I go through this same cycle, time after time.
Consistency? Oh she doesn't know me.
The desire is there, but the follow through is non existent. I've been finding solace in this blog, however I've been met with feelings of guilt as well. Why was is it so effortless for me to create this blog, but laborious to study for my exam. The questions, "Am I just lazy", "Do you really want to be in grad school", "Do you really want change your life", crowd my brain like my browser with 50 tabs open- what seems like a million times they have.
I've expressed these emotions to my pcp and my psych. We've went as far as getting a referral to our Neurology center for testing. There were a few difficulties with the fax between the offices and well communication just kind of stopped there. And of course, I never followed up. :/ So here am I, going through the emotions, quietly weeping inside. Putting on a facade, as long as they don't know- she doesn't really have it together...
Tears swell my eyes as I write this entry, feelings of comfort flood. I've had these thoughts jumbled in my brain and no way to express. It feels good to have a space to write down and finally acknowledge my emotions.
Was surfing the web and found this article on ADD.org and this literally hit the nail on the head for me. Everything that I've been feeling this past year, written right here. Now while I don't want to self diagnose, I do feel a sliver of relief that there might be some explanation to what I've been experiencing and I'm not my worst fear, lazy.
"You really need to get things done but just can’t seem to get the ball rolling. You’re overwhelmed, frozen in place, and can’t even think about what to do first. That’s exactly what ADHD paralysis feels like.But what is ADHD paralysis?Also known as analysis paralysis or ADHD shutdown, ADHD paralysis happens when a person with ADHD is overwhelmed by information, emotions, or their environment. As a result, they freeze and can’t think or function effectively.Adults who experience ADHD paralysis find it much more challenging to focus and complete their tasks. Because of this, they may struggle to keep up with their commitments and responsibilities at work, school, or home.Analysis paralysis is linked to changes in the functioning, structure, and chemical balance of the ADHD brain. It also shares some similarities with other ADHD-related challenges like ADHD hyperfixation and executive dysfunction. ADHD paralysis is not a medical diagnosis, but it is a symptom of ADHD. And for many people, it’s a very real and frustrating problem. "
8 Strategies the article offered:
1.The Daily Brain Dump
2.Make Tasks Achievable (Easy Wins)
3.Keep Your Work Schedule Simple
4.Focus on Completion, Not Perfection
5.Make Room For Rewards
6.Get Up and Move
7.Keep Things Interesting
8.Do Things You Love
My next steps are definitely to contact my PCP and ask for another referral. Until then I'll be attempting to create new routines to help overcome these emotions. Starting with this blog. To my surprise the 1st strategy mentioned in the article, "The Daily Brain Dump." I won't feel guilty for being excited about starting this blog, what I will do is use it as tool to get unstuck. This brings me to #5 of the strategy list, "Make Room For Rewards," Sooooo, while I did put myself down for not studying sufficiently beauties I did make a B on my first accounting exam. whewwwwww! I've rewarded myself with a glass of chardonnay and a night filled with reading some of my moots blog entries.
If you've been experiencing any of what I've expressed, I would definitely implore you to do your research and consult a medical professional. You are not being dramatic and you are not alone!
Wishing peace, love, & clarity to all! We will prevail.
-signed a hopeful baddie, Missus Twenty Sumthing, xoxo.
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